Communication is key in any
relationship. Communication about sex can be difficult; even though most adults
participate, they still find it difficult to discuss it. One of the key issues
in discussion is embarrassment. Secondary is that women typically use more
words than a man, often these words can be large or complicated which are just
a bit harder to be processed. The last most common problem is fear.
Embarrassment is hard to
overcome, the most important thing to remember is that there is a very good chance
your partner has some changes they would like to make in their sex life. While
some people find it no problem to talk about sex, others find it a very awkward
topic. There is nothing wrong with telling your partner you are embarrassed
about the topic. Using code words, or scientific names might be easier for you.
Some people prefer Penis or Vagina; others find it easier to talk about Clams
and Sausages,
Women use larger words and
more of them. While men are often straight to the point, “wanna have sex
tonight” women are usually more subtle and this can be a problem for others to
understand. Women may be lack of libido than men, you may need to heat up the situation. Women also tend to use technical terms. While men are usually
pretty astute on sexual position, women still baffle them on occasion. Men do
not ask for directions in a car, forget about in the bedroom. Be clear and use
simple tears. “I’d like you to rub my breasts while we fuck” is a clear
message; nothing will be lost in transition. “Using I wish you touched me more
in the bedroom” is vague and may not get the effects you want.
Fear of rejection is last.
This is especially hard if you are interested in something ‘out there’ or
taboo. It is better to be honest, make it clear that your sexual desire do not have
to happen but you are interested. Trying new positions is just the start. Ice,
heat, restraints and toys are all possible acts to spice up your love life. If
you find it difficult to just broach the subject, one way is to locate a porn
movie with the acts you are interested in, while the movie is playing a simple comment
like “that looks interesting” or “we should give that a try” usually will spark
a conversation, or action.
Communication is always key,
everyone communicates differently, but the basics remain, be clear about your
needs and wants. Do not expect to get everything you want while giving nothing
your partner wants. Compromise is key; a conversation can lead nowhere if
compromise is not an option.
